


Atomic Tonight

by Sherwhotreksings



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, F/F, I mean high angst, With some hurt/comfort, and some fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherwhotreksings/pseuds/Sherwhotreksings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holtzmann spirals after a client tells her she's a pervert. Inspired by that one post on tumblr by Lesbianspacepilot of the same nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Atomic Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the angst I'm about to inflict upon you all, but to be fair, you all did ask for me to post this one first.

She can’t help but stare. She doesn’t mean to, it just happens. Holtz could be adjusting the sub-atomic fission dial on the containment unit, and Erin will make a noise, or change position, and then Holtz’s eyes lock on. Her eyes follow the gentle curve of Erin’s cheekbone which flows back to her soft jawline, into her tapered chin. She’s gorgeous. Holtzmann has resigned herself to cataloging every line, every freckle, every curve of Erin’s body, without any hope of stopping. She doesn’t mean to objectify her, really she doesn’t, but when you love someone so much that your heart aches (that’s a scary thought isn’t it?) it’s an involuntary thing. 

The worst part is that she can’t tell Erin why she’s staring at her every time she looks up from her notes. Technically she could. There’s nothing physically stopping her. Except Erin is straight, so painfully straight, and Holtz would rather live in a fantasy world where she tells Erin how much she loves her everyday, than in a world where Erin is afraid to look at her because of her crush. 

That’s how it goes in Lesbian Land unfortunately. It’s happened to her so many times that Holtz has a blueprint for it. She gets a crush on her straight friend. Her straight friend finds out and starts avoiding eye contact, then avoiding conversation, and then avoiding her altogether. Of course it’s only a matter of time before Erin hears about Holtz’s crush from someone, or figures it out on her own, and Holtz would like to let herself live in this half reality for a little bit longer.

The intercom system crackles to life, the client outside informing them he’s here to pay them. A Mr. Sease… or something like that, Holtz doesn’t actually remember his name because just Erin and Patty went on the bust. It was a fairly simple job, only a T2 haunting that took less than 15 minutes to track down and remove. From her perch at one of the work desks, Holtz watches Abby cross the room to unlock the door and lead Mr. Sease to the main office desk in the front lobby, where Erin is sitting. Holtz tilts her head, watching their interaction through her yellow tinted safety goggles, kicking her heels up on the desk. 

Erin laughs politely at something Mr. Sease says, and Holtz maps her smiles lines, desperately trying to memorize her. Her laugh may only be half sincere, but her smile still reaches her eyes, making the corners crinkle adorably. Her smile is infectious. It’s not something that happens often, Erin’s smiling, even though she’s mostly always in a good mood. Erin just isn’t that smiley of a person, which is unfortunate because she has a gorgeous smile. It’s the most beautiful smile she’s ever seen on the most beautiful-

“You’re staring.”

Holtzmann turns her head in the direction of the voice, unsure who spoke, or even exactly what was said, too engrossed in Erin.

“You’re staring at Dr. Gilbert like a pervert,” Mr. Sease snaps. 

The grin slips off of Holtz’s face, and Erin furrows her brow.

“Didn’t anyone teach you it’s creepy to stare at women?” He laughs like he thinks he’s on a moral high ground. 

Holtz opens her mouth, letting out a forced, almost strangled laugh. She doesn’t quite believe what she’s hearing. It has to be a joke. Right? Her eyes flit nervously to Abby, who is angrily glaring at Mr. Sease. No one is saying anything, most likely too stunned. Patty would say something right away if she were here. 

“You queers need to stop-”

Abby finally speaks up, “Okay, that’s enough.” She puts her hands on his back, pushing him towards the door, fuming. “You have no right to be rude to a member of our team, the team that  _ just rescued you _ from your ghost problem, no right to speak to her like that. If you so much as  _ breathe _ on her again, I will personally call the  _ mayor _ and have him arrest you.” Abby opens the door and shoves him into the street. “You better pray that ghost doesn’t accidentally get out!” She calls after him.

Holtz swallows thickly, staring open mouthed at the door, which Abby slams, outraged. That guy wasn’t right, she wasn’t being creepy. Even if she was staring just a little too hard, Erin would’ve told her if she was making her uncomfortable. She would’ve said something. Holtzmann pushes her goggles up into her hair, needing a clear view to gauge Erin’s reaction. 

Her heart falls into her stomach. 

Erin is closely examining her fingers, twisting them awkwardly, her face is some expression Holtz can’t exactly place, but it makes her uneasy. 

She could throw up. 

Erin isn’t- she doesn’t- she can’t- Holtz can’t think. She can’t breathe, she can’t think, she can’t move. She feels like she’s suffocating. There’s no way Erin isn’t aware of her crush now, going by the way she’s fidgeting. There’s no way she can run from it now, but she might be able to temporarily hide. She stands up and stiffly brushes past Abby and out the door, ducking her head and staring intensely at the floor. 

She shoves her hands into her pockets, letting the cold wind of October bite into her skin. She scuffs the ground as she paces to the alleyway where she tests her inventions. This has the potential to ruin everything that she’s longed for her entire life. She finally finds her home, finds her family, finds a place that appreciates her, and then she fucks it up by falling in love with her best friend. 

She can’t control herself anymore, letting her frustration, shame, and embarrassment out by kicking the wooden apple crates set up as a table. Running her hands through her hair roughly, her goggles fall to the ground with a thunk. 

“Damnit!” She screams, winding up her arm and clumsily punching the red brick of the firehouse. 

She’s never been a good puncher. Sure she can give someone a bruise, but she’s never had the right technique to do damage. Shaking out her fist, she gazes dazed at her knuckles, watching the little beads of blood appear.

“Holtzy?…” 

Abby is behind her. Holtz can feel the intense scrutiny on the back of her neck.

“Are you okay? That guy was way out of line.” 

Holtz turns slowly, head bowed, eyes trained on the ground. “Yeah, fine.” She stoops to pick up her goggles, stuffing them into her pocket.

Abby contemplates her tone, seeing through her halfhearted answer straight away. Holtz didn’t try hard to hide her emotions. There’s no point with Abby. She always knows what Holtz is feeling, sometimes even before Holtzmann herself does. That’s one thing on a list of many things that Holtz likes so much about her. She understands what Holtz is feeling and knows when not to push her. 

“Well I’m here if you need to talk.”

Holtz nods once, following Abby back inside reluctantly, knuckles temporarily forgotten.

She scans the room, Patty has now arrived, but Erin is gone. Her absence greeting Holtz like a vampire slayer, with a stake to the heart. 

“Hey, baby! What’s up?” Patty says happily, unaware of what just happened. 

Abby pulls her aside, explaining in hushed whispers, as Holtz shuffles past them without a sound. 

However this ends, it’s not going to pretty. There are only two reasons why Erin would be missing, the revelation of Holtzmann’s unfortunate crush has left her embarrassed and uncomfortable, or homosexuality is a… difficult topic for her and had previously been oblivious to how incredibly gay Holtz is. She hopes with all her lab equipment that it’s the former of the two. Honestly, she isn’t quite sure how Erin would be so oblivious to how gay Holtzmann is, but stranger things have happened, and she was oblivious to her crush, so it isn’t as farfetched as it seems. 

_ Fuck. _

She hadn’t even considered Erin being homophobic. They’ve never discussed it before, so what indication would there be? Holtz wraps her arms around herself, heading back to her room. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm down enough to thwart the tears welling up in her eyes. She refuses to cry. There’s absolutely no way Erin could be homophobic; she’s seen Holtz flirting at bars before for fuck’s sake. She’s just overreacting, her brain going into overdrive. That’s all it is. She’s never shown any of the signs. Still, it will be best for both of them if she gets over her infatuation and tones down the flirting.  

Upon entering her room, Holtz is surprised to be greeted by a familiar silhouette sitting cross legged on her bed, head in hands. She stops dead in her tracks as the person looks up, eyebrows raised.

“Erin,” Holtz breathes out, locking eyes with her before quickly flitting them away, looking anywhere and everywhere but Erin herself. 

Her pulse speeds up as Erin advances. She can practically feel her stare, goosebumps prickling up her arms. The tension in the room is insurmountable. If it was a bomb, it would make a medium to large sized poof. Definitely not something she’d want to encounter... maybe she would. Explosions are her bread and butter after all. They’re much more controlled, mostly, than this situation. Explosions are things that she knows. She knows how to make them and build them and detonate them. Unfortunately she knows how to detonate this as well. She already did.

Erin is one foot away, so close Holtz could wrap her arms around her, could go up on her toes and kiss her if she wanted and  _ oh _ how she wants to. 

“Holtzmann. Holy crap. What did you do to your hand? Are you okay?” Erin reaches down and takes Holtz’s right hand in both of hers, running her thumb gently across the still oozing wound, brushing the little pieces of dirt and rocks off. 

“I punched a wall,” Holtzmann mumbles. Her eyes flicker from Erin’s, staring intensely, and back to her hand. 

“Holtz!” Erin sounds angry, well... not angry, but upset, or disappointed, maybe both. Her voice softens with a sigh, “Let’s go clean this up.” 

And then she’s leading Holtzmann to the bathroom, still holding her hand, Holtz trailing dejectedly behind her. 

So far, Erin doesn’t seem homophobic. She still seems to be concerned about her. She still wants to touch her. 

They reach the bathroom and Erin guides Holtz to the sink, instructing her to sit on the counter. Erin turns the water on, grabbing the first aid kit from the cabinet. The injury stings more than she thought it would as Erin washes it with soap, carefully patting it dry, spreading anti-bacterial cream across her knuckles, and sticking bandages over the injury. 

“These’ll probably scar.” 

“Won’t be the first time,” Holtz mutters bitterly, subconsciously running her fingers over one of the larger, raised scars on the back of her arm from the shrapnel of her first explosion. 

Erin raises an eyebrow, but ignores her comment, changing the subject. “Can we talk about what happened?” Erin asks cautiously. 

“If-” Holtz takes a deep breath, steadying herself. “If you want.” She barely raises her eyes to meet Erin’s before dropping them back to the floor. So she’s not homophobic, that means she was embarrassed to be the object of Holtz’s affection, possibly uncomfortable, probably ‘flattered but uninterested.’ 

“He was wrong, you know, Mr. Sease. You weren’t being creepy, or pervy, or whatever it was that he said.” 

Holtz tips her head up to eye level, but looking just to the left of Erin, picking a spot on the wall to concentrate on. 

“But I shouldn’t just stare at you. I- I wasn’t objectifying you if that’s what you’re worried about.” She rushes to say, eyes flicking over her face and then back to the wall. “I just like- like the way you-” Holtzmann cuts herself off, on the verge of tears, gasping quietly every few words.

“Holtz-” Erin starts.

Holtz waves her off and continues with a frustrated exhale, annoyed at herself for not being able to keep her voice from wavering. “I’ll work on not st-staring so much. You-you’re so important to me and I w-want you to be comfortable around m-me-”

Erin cuts her off with her hands placed on either side of her face. “Jillian. Please. Just look at me.”

Holtz can’t take it. A tear slips out, running into Erin’s finger. It’s the first time she’s ever cried in front of anyone. The combination of her first name and Erin’s contact broke the dam. 

“I care so much about you, Jilli. I don’t think I could stand it if you never looked at me again.” There is so much sincerity in her voice, more than Holtzmann has ever heard from someone.

Another tear escapes as Holtz shyly meets Erin’s intense gaze. She lets out a choked giggle, sticking out her tongue, and licking the salt off her upper lip and part of Erin’s hand as the tear follows the line of her hand down Holtz’s face. Erin’ fingers inch into Holtz’s hair, subtly smoothing the stray pieces back from her face.

It’s so surreal, having Erin standing so close, fingers laced into Holtzmann’s hair, looking at her like she’s a fucking galaxy of stars, or more like a nuclear fission accelerator chamber in their case. However a person would categorize the look on Erin’s face, Holtz can say with the utmost confidence that she has never seen anyone look at her like that before.

Erin’s eyes shift over Holtz’s and settles on her lips. “Please…” Her determination is unrivaled. 

Holtz could just about combust unless she tells Erin exactly what she’s feeling, but she can’t find the words. As often as this happens, Holtz not being able to say what she’s thinking, she has relied on actions to speak for her. 

She hooks her right leg around Erin, closing the gap between them by pulling her flush against Holtz’s body. Holtz grasps the back of Erin’s neck, fingers of her other hand sliding into the hair just above it. She feels more than hears Erin let out a small gasp as Holtz presses her lips against Erin’s. 

Explosions. Yes, Holtz knows them, studies them, can predict how big they’ll be within a fraction, that is when she actually cares to do the math exactly. It’s way more fun to do the math partially and just see what happens. Oh, but their kiss, their kiss is unlike any explosion she has ever felt. The way Erin pushes against her with more fervor than she’d ever imagined sends shockwaves through her body, as if Erin’s lips are a match and each slide against hers strikes it. 

Holtzmann shifts her arms down to around Erin’s back, as she wraps her left leg around her waist as well. Erin’s fingers weave all the way into Holtz’s hair, loosening strands from her sloppily pinned updo, and ruffling her already messy curls. 

Holtz breaks the kiss, only to catch her breath, and rests her forehead against Erin’s. 

“Thank you,” Erin whispers. 

This is one explosion she’s glad she caused. 


End file.
